How to deal with stress and psychological aggressors
I propose to talk about a special psychic mechanism - unconscious psychological defense. This is a whole system of special "chips" that protect us from excessive negative emotions, mental anguish and another negative, which threatens the health of the individual. But besides, and complicate life.
Without these defenses, we would not have survived for a long time, constantly being in excessive stress, remembering all the negative things that happened to us. What can I say - to work, communicate, sleep would not, constantly experiencing childhood injuries, resentment of relatives and so on.
Advantages of unconscious psychological defenses:
- help to restore mental balance (to whom quickly, to whom slowly), increase self-esteem ("Husband scolded, but I know how, this and this");
- they help to resist illnesses, believe in themselves, calm down (“Everything will be fine, I learned”);
- prevent mental disorganization (at the moment of the deepest loss a person refuses to believe in what is happening);
- keep the relationship (the wife does not like the catastrophic greed of her husband.She justifies him, arguing to others: "He is not greedy, but a homely one").
Cons unconscious psychological defenses:
- they do not solve the problem: protection arises only in our head and does not affect events in any way, does not change the reality and behavior of other people, relieves anxiety only for a while;
- the part of information, for example fears, is forced out of the consciousness into the subconscious; and not struggling with fear, a person suffers all his life;
- confused, distorting reality (for example, an unwanted child was born; he and others should not admit it, but because parents hide their dislike behind a mask of hyper-care or nagging: “You are a mess”, “Nothing will come of you”).
Our psyche without distortion perceives only the information that does not hurt her. If some fact, an event, people threaten our consciousness, unconscious protection is activated. Information is not perceived, perceived partially or completely distorted. For example, many wives justify their husbands: “What do you mean! He is not a tyrant, he just loves everything to be right ”or“ We are a normal family, just a husband loves to drink. A man must drink ”... I wonder where it is written about - to drink ...
This is how this scheme works: we ourselves restore our calm, moreover, tyrants remain tyrants, and alcoholics - alcoholics.
Consider the forms of unconscious defenses:
a)Negationcharacterized by selective perception. Selectivity helps to ignore what is alarming. For example, a young mother closes her eyes to the fact that her son is scandalous with other children, is fighting, is not learning to properly communicate. He discourages: "This is a child, he does not understand." Then, when the son grows up and raise a hand against her, she will surely be surprised: “Why?”
b)Escape.For example, the husband didn’t wash the dishes well, you were afraid to tell him about it and washed it again. And you will do it all the time, because the problem is not solved. More precisely solved, but not in the way you wanted it.
at)Rationalization -A creative mechanism that allows you to find an explanation for your unseemly deed. Simply put, these are excuses. For example, the boss breaks down on his subordinates day by day, justifying his behavior by the fact that "there is no time to relax, you have to work." Or a relative at all at the holiday table criticizes the behavior of the host.He responds to the indignations of others: “What, is it really hurting his eyes?” “Thanks to” such excuses, a person protects himself from reality, he does not learn to communicate constructively.
d)Suppression.It is common for a person to forget certain events, facts, and even people who once caused pain, suffering, or caused small negative emotions. For example, the 16-year-old son of a client simply does not hear the instructions of a strict mother: “Go there, bring that, call there.” It turned out that the son was tired of his mother's constant monitoring, assignment of tasks, control over the phone, critics: “I wish I told you something interesting, or else these tasks are forever, swearing.”
e)crowding outIt looks like a suppression. The difference is that the event, the information is erased partially. And the most traumatic part is erased. For example, my girlfriend constantly forgets the name and patronymic of a colleague with whom she clashed at the old job. Says: "I do not remember the name, and the image is in a fog." Or a husband and wife are arguing: slivers are flying, swearing is heard on all floors. At the end of a quarrel can not remember what is not shared. Remembering more good than bad is a useful part of the psyche.But especially sensitive, touchy people, on the contrary, remember negative events better. And the more emotions the situation caused, the stronger the memories.
e)Substitution- a mechanism for satisfying a hidden desire in a way acceptable to society. It can also be realized by transfer from one reaction to another. For example, the mother-in-law is angry with the daughter-in-law, is jealous of her son and wants her revenge. Explicit revenge is not endorsed by society, and too visible, so the “offended” chooses a strategy to take revenge quietly. For example, evil jokes. If the daughter-in-law is offended, he asks what is the matter, you can always answer: “What, you don't understand the jokes?”
Attention! If someone tricks you often and unpleasantly over you, do not blame yourself for being too sensitive. Most likely, this person is angry with you because of something, but cannot honestly say so
g)Projection. There are many proverbs and sayings about this mechanism: "Do not blame the mirror, if it is crooked," "He sees the straw in another's eye, but doesn’t notice the log in his own eye,"
The meaning of these expressions is one: what we don’t want to notice in ourselves is visible to others.And not just see, but also criticize, because criticizing ourselves is painful and unpleasant. Thus, a person projects his vices onto other people. Projections are subject to not only character traits, but also feelings, thoughts, and behavior. So, to the greedy, everything around them seems stingy, the gossip sees only gossipers, and the deceiver will not trust anyone.
Projections are subject not only to negative manifestations. For example, if you successfully solved a difficult question, everything around you will seem wonderful: the sky is blue, the trees are green, the people are friendly. No wonder they say: "Smile, and the world will become brighter."
h)Alienation- the division of the "I" into several parts and using them in turn. This separation occurs at the time of severe mental or physical pain. For example, a girl, having suddenly found out about a guy's treason, recalls herself as if from the side, from above, as if she was watching a movie. Here she sees herself sitting at the computer, answering the call, now she is crying, and after a while she sees herself roaming the streets, washing away tears from her cheeks.
Well, or an example is simpler, not so dramatic. A person who has lived in Russia for a long time, suddenly leaves for another country.If it is hard for him to leave his homeland, leave his beloved and dear ones, in a new place he will feel that he has left part of himself in his homeland. Or at home he was one person, and then he became another.
Briefly about other unconscious defenses: fear of the new (people complain a lot, ask for advice, do not listen to advice, because they do not want to change anything), passive aggression (unwillingness to do work, ignoring requests, being late), dissociation (after a traumatic event, the tendency to pretend that nothing happened) and others.
In order not to get bogged down in the swamp of the above-mentioned psychological protections, it is important to get to the root, that is, to react promptly to problems, understand the causes and work out them. If you can not solve the issue yourself, you can contact a psychologist or psychotherapist. To work with psychological defenses consultative talk, projective, personality tests, group psychotherapy, art therapy, physical therapy, hypnosis and many other methods are used.
“And what happened next with the heroine Julia?” - you ask. Julia was a tough nut to crack. When she found out the whole truth, she immediately decided to divorce.Usually, women immediately understand what to do next: save the marriage or leave. Yulia divorced, went to another country, where a year later she opened her own business, and a year later she happily married.
When she left, she told me: “Well, it’s necessary how this protection works. Me and my husband's relatives hinted about adultery, and I missed the ears. I regret that so much time has been lost. If I had known before, I would have restored the relationship - this is possible. And now I feel only emptiness ... "
Dear girls, and I want to wish you to be attentive and listen to what is happening around. For consciousness - such a thing, can confuse no worse than an illusionist.
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