10 Differences Between Good Friends and Toxic Friends
How to Find a True Friend
True friendship is one of the deepest relationships you can have with another person. A true friend is there for you through thick and thin - they'll laugh with you, they'll cry with you, they'll bail you out of jail if necessary. Here are some ideas on how to go about finding that special person.
Putting Yourself Out There
Take the initiative.When it comes to finding a true friend, you can't afford to be lazy. A real friend won't just magically materialize on your doorstep, so you need to be willing to put some work in. Take matters into your own hands and start socializing.
- Stop waiting for other people to do the work for you. Call people up and ask if you can hang out with them, or organize an event yourself.
- Don't worry about seeming desperate or needy. Focus on you and your goal. If it all works out in the end, then who cares?
- Try to hang out in such a way that no one feels you are clinging to them in desperation or friend-poverty. If there is a group, make eye contact with everyone, and not directing your speech singularly.
Meet new people.You won't make friends by sitting at home alone every night. You need to be proactive, so force yourself out of the house and meet as many people as possible. It might be intimidating at first, but it'll be worth it in the end.
- One of the easiest ways to meet people is through friends you already have. Tag along to a party or social event and get your friend to make the introductions.
- Meet people through hobbies or classes. Friends are generally people that you share a common interest with, so the people you meet through hobbies or classes are excellent potential friend material.
- Meet people through work. You might have a work colleague who you feel a connection with, but you've never hung out socially. Now is the time.
- Meet people online. Sometimes there's a stigma attached to meeting people online, but it can be a genuinely great way to meet people. Blogging, social networking and posting on online forums are all perfectly viable ways of socializing.
- Avoid going to places that have one focus. This means that you shouldn't try to get a chance at cinemas and theaters, since there the main focus is on the screen and you won't meet too many people there except by chance. Public places like tea and coffee shops, parks and bars help a lot in socializing. However, there are other places with a friendly environment that you shouldn't hesitate to try out.
Don't be oversensitive.Meeting people for the first time can be tough. They may seem disinterested or unwilling to make an effort. Or else you might hit it off instantly, but you never hear from them again. Don't be disheartened. Finding a true friend takes time. You should realize that a friend you have earned with a lot of hard effort is commonly a true friend.
Don't be picky.Keep an open mind about who you hang out with. When you're trying to make friends, being picky is not a good strategy. Your initial goal is to meet as many people as possible, so talk to everybody and keep an open mind. This will help you determine about people's personalities and know who to stay away from and what good characteristics should be present in a good friend.
- Even if you meet someone who looks or seems like someone you'd have nothing in common with, talk to them and give them a chance. They might turn out to be your truest friend!
- You're not going to know a true friend at first sight - you'll have to get to know them first - so consider every possibility!
Be persistent.Even if your first attempt at putting yourself out there isn't as successful as you had hoped, don't despair! People can take a little while to warm up, so the second or third time meeting someone might go a lot better than the first.
- If you invite someone to hang out, don't be upset if they can't make it. Chances are they have a genuine excuse, it's not because they don't like you. Give it a week or two, then ask again.
- Sometimes it just won't work out with someone and that's okay. Consider it a practice run for when you meet the real deal.
Be patient.It takes time to really get to know someone, especially when you're looking for true friendship. If you continue to put yourself out there and make an effort to hang out with as many people as possible, eventually you'll find someone you genuinely connect with.
- Be realistic about how much time it'll take to really get to know someone. Sure, you might hit it off and feel like you've known someone for ten years rather than ten minutes, but usually it'll take much longer, depending on how often you hang out.
- In the right situations, you can make new friends very quickly - like when you start college, move to a new city, or join a sports teams.
Getting to Know One Another
Start a conversation.The first step in getting to know a potential friend is to strike up a conversation. Believe it or not, very interesting conversations can start up with, "The weather is sure cold!". Another way is to find out a little bit about them and their interests. Once you get started on an interesting topic, the rest will come naturally.
- Try making a general comment or asking a question about something generic, just to break the ice. For example, "Great party, huh?" or "How do you know John?"
- Try to listen more than you talk. Show that you're interested in what they have to say. Even if you find their speech boring, try to appear concentrated in order to not hurt the other's feelings.
- Find out about their interests and hobbies. If you can find something you have in common, the conversation will flow more freely.
Get their contact information.If you hit it off with someone, make sure to get their contact information before you part ways, you'll need it if you want to organize to meet up with them again.
- Get their phone number or email address, or ask if they're on Facebook. It doesn't matter as long as you have a way of reaching out to them.
- Be sure to give them your contact details too. They might just invite you to do something fun.
Invite them to hang out.Here is where a lot of people falter. It's fun to meet people once and make friends with them on Facebook afterwards, but you won't develop atruefriendship unless you take the next step and invite them to hang out. Hang outs are not necessarily about going to Starbucks and buying a Coffee Espresso for both of you! Try new and fun ideas, like consider going on a long-drive if you have a car.
- You don't need to invite them to do anything special, just ask them if they'd like to go for a drink or hang out at the beach.
- Even if they can't make it, they'll probably be flattered you asked. Try again in a week or so. Let them have their space otherwise they will think you are too clingy.
Accept every invitation.It's good to make your own plans to meet up with people, but if you get an invitation it's even better. Think of it as an easy opportunity to get to know someone better or meet more people.
- Accept every invitation that's thrown your way, even if it's to see a movie you're not interested in or to play a sport you don't like. Once you're there, you will be glad that you made the effort.
- You don't want to get a reputation as the person who never shows up for anything. That's a surefire way to never get invited anywhere.
- If you really can't come, explain your reasons to the other person funnily and in such a way that they realize you aren't refusing to your own option but on a real excuse.
Give the relationship time to grow.Deep, meaningful relationships don't just blossom overnight - you need to nurture them and allow them time to mature.
- Once you've made the initial steps and established a routine of hanging out, just repeat, repeat, repeat.
- To become a true friend with someone, you need to hang out fairly often, keep in touch, enjoy good times together, and get to know each other on a deeper level.
What To Look For in a True Friend
Look for someone you can have fun with.A true friend is someone that you have a great time with. You should be able to make your own fun, laugh together, get in trouble, and genuinely enjoy one another's company. It's not necessary that you have to laugh with your true friend---deep and meaningful conversations for a long period of time are usually are helpful to nurture a friendship.
Look for someone who will be honest with you.A true friend will always be honest with you, no matter what. It doesn't matter whether it's about something trivial, like whether your outfit looks good on you, or something life-altering, like if they found out that your partner is cheating on you. A true friend will never keep you in the dark. This doesn't include their telling you about their personal affairs all of a sudden. This will take a little time since your friendship isn't that ripe yet!
Look for someone who will be loyal to you.A true friend will be fiercely loyal to you, whether you're present or not. This means that they'll stand by you, even if they don't agree with your decisions and stick up for you when nobody else will. However, don't expect them to stand up for you when you truly are wrong. If they do, reconsider their being a good friend.
Look for someone trustworthy.You can trust a true friend with anything, whether it's to feed your cat while you're on vacation or to keep your deepest, darkest secrets. If your secrets litter around the whole school, and the only person you have told it to would be your best friend, then they are not really considered real friends.
Look for someone supportive.A true friend is supportive of you and your goals. They won't try to change you, make you feel uncomfortable to holding you back.
QuestionShould I analyze my friend's reaction after offering a compliment?wikiHow ContributorCommunity AnswerObserving how someone reacts to a compliment is just another way of getting to know someone. When you compliment your friend, you can see if they feel proud, embarrassed or grateful.Thanks!
QuestionWhat should I do if a former friend is now treating me badly?wikiHow ContributorCommunity AnswerTry to find out why your friend is hurting you badly. Maybe your friend does not realize he or she is behaving this way. He or she could also be going through a difficult time. If you suspect that you did something to hurt or offend your friend, ask them what you did wrong and what you could do to fix it. If nothing helps, then it might be best to break off the friendship and find a new friend.Thanks!
QuestionHow do I find a friend when I don't trust anyone?wikiHow ContributorCommunity AnswerThanks!
QuestionWhat if someone pretends to be true friend but in reality they turn out to not even be trustworthy? This has happened to me sadly.wikiHow ContributorCommunity AnswerHave a chat with this person to find out why they let you down. Be polite and try to be understanding, as there may be a good reason for their poor attitude. Sometimes people do silly things as a result of their own big mouths (lack of control) or due to insecurities (very hard to treat in a short space of time). If you tell them how you feel, they might actually listen to you. If this friend doesn't understand or care about what they've done, don't push it - consider finding a new friend. But if they apologize and promise to not do it again, consider giving them a second chance.Thanks!
QuestionI'm over 50 years old. I am very social, and people like me and want to be my friend, but I never feel the same. Why is that?Top AnswererThanks!
QuestionWhat if my friend is angry at me because I have another friend?Top AnswererHe is not a real friend. If someone can't enjoy your company if there is someone else, then he is not respectful and understanding. You are entitled to have other friends and not dedicate yourself solely to one.Thanks!
QuestionWhy is oversensitivity bad?wikiHow ContributorCommunity AnswerPeople may misinterpret oversensitivity as you being needy; this tends to put some people off. Being sensitive to feelings and experience is merely how you and the other person interpret them, however. If you tend to be oversensitive, try to make friends with like-minded people, and stay away from people who are clearly going to put you down or bring you down in lifeThanks!
QuestionI have friends who always say something about me or kick me. They think kicking is teasing, but it dosn't feel like it. They think I'm weak and a sore loser. What do I do?StarGazer996Community AnswerThey are not true friends. A real friend wouldn't hurt you or call you names; they would try to make you happy. Approach them and tell them how you feel. If they don't apologize, and keep treating you with disrespect, it may be time to find some new friends.Thanks!
QuestionMy friends always tell my darkest secrets to other people, what can I do about this?Top AnswererThat is not right. Demand that they respect your privacy by confronting them with it directly. Stop sharing your personal thoughts and feelings and ask yourself if they really are good friends.Thanks!
QuestionI don't trust anyone in my school and every time I try to, people let me down. What do I do from there? My really good friends aren't in my school and I feel alone.wikiHow ContributorCommunity AnswerTry to socialize with some people that seem nice but don't take them as your best friends, and don't tell them your secrets or a lot about you until you trust them 100%. If you don't know how to start a conversation, talk to people about homework, teachers, or subjects and then you'll eventually become closer to the right ones. You can always make internet friends and who knows, maybe it'll be someone that is in your school.Thanks!
- Express who you are! Don't pretend to like something or be someone you're not. Don't lie to sound impressive.
- A true friendship is hard to come by. It's a gift to have that kind of bond with anyone. Don't push and try to make it happen with someone you don't get along well with, and if you do find it- keep it!
- Express yourself! Nothing says "let's hang out" like will everyone know who you are. Like Switchfoot? We're a band T-shirt. Into Buffy? Wear a T-shirt again. You get the idea.
- Never let other peoples opinions bring you down. Always know you are one in a million, and remember to choose your friends very wisely. You never know, maybe the friend is good first day, but after months or years you get to know their true colors.
- Never let other people's opinions bring you down; Always know you are one in a million. Remember to choose your friends very wisely because they might never reveal their true colours.
- Not all people will be willing to be your friend, so just move on.
- Never give out your personal information online.
- If you're chatting online, never try to meet up in person unless you're absolutely sure that this person is legitimate. It's hard to tell, but be extraordinarily cautious. This means not meeting someone in person right away, wait a year. If you do meet-alwaysmeet in a very public place where there is security. Also, bring a trusted friend, sibling or adult.
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