How to improve relations with relatives of the husband?
Problems in relations with relatives of the husband arise in many women. Find out the reasons for their appearance and learn how to overcome difficulties.
Why are there problems?
There are several reasons for problems in relations with relatives of the husband:
- You do not meet the expectations of relatives, and there may be several options. First: the relatives of the spouse created a certain ideal image of the daughter in law, and you absolutely do not fit into it. The second option: in your place, parents saw another particular girl. The third option: the relatives of the husband found in you some qualities that are unacceptable for them.
- The jealousy of relatives. Especially such a case applies to mom. She raised her son and put his soul into him, and suddenly he left home and fell in love with another woman. If your spouse is the only child in the family, then the situation can be extremely difficult.
- Misunderstanding on the basis of various differences.They can be associated with choosing a name for a child, kindergarten or school, buying a home for a young family and so on. Of course, reasonable people will resolve the issue calmly and amicably, but, unfortunately, this is not always the case.
- It seems to you that the spouse spends more time with relatives than with you, gives them too much attention. If this is true, then the experience is fully justified, and you should tell your husband about them. But often women have such thoughts because of banal jealousy.
- A child as an object of competition among relatives: yours and your spouse. They can “fight” for the right to spend more time with him, actively participate in education, make important decisions, and so on. And such “races” can escalate into a conflict between your family and a spouse's family, and sometimes a third party also comes into conflict - you and your husband, who are trying to change the situation and stumble upon misunderstanding.
- The cause of the problems can be the spouse himself, who is influenced by relatives, especially if it is negative and leads to conflicts in your family. In this case, the situation will not change until the husband reconsiders his attitude towards family ties, does not set priorities and does not change the tactics of behavior.
- Spouse dependence on parents.It can be psychological or material, but in any case it will not be easy to get rid of it, especially if the father and mother of the spouse will prevent it.
- Sometimes conflicts with relatives of the husband arise because of the women themselves, who behave in an inappropriate way, try to put pressure on their spouse, cut off his contacts with his family, and also do not accept the opinions of others.
If the problem is in relatives
How to improve relationships with relatives of her husband, if they cause problems themselves? In this case, you should hold a frank serious conversation with them and dot all the "i". Tell them about your experiences, ask what exactly you are not satisfied with them. But do not wait for honest answers: relatives can pretend that everything is in order. In any case, emphasize that you are the way you are, but you love your spouse and try to do everything to make him happy. In addition, by all means tell me that you are not planning to take your son away from your parents and will in no way interfere with communication.
If you have any disagreements or conflicts, try to find a compromise. Designate dispute items and try to discuss everything calmly to find points of contact.For example, if relatives compete with each other for the right to be closer to their grandson, then it makes sense to establish a schedule for everyone to be satisfied and communicate with the child.
If relatives are trying to put pressure on your spouse and on you, clearly state your point of view and let everyone know that you will not give up your opinion and in any case act as you see fit. But at the same time, listen to the other side and note that if you find some tips useful, you will certainly follow them.
If the problem is in her husband
What if the spouse depends on his relatives or is influenced by them? Talk to him frankly. But do not blame him, do not blame and do not make claims, otherwise the husband will get angry and will strive to do everything to you in defiance, and the situation will only get worse.
Calmly tell about your experiences, so that your husband understands what is worrying you. If he tries to get into your position, the conversation can be productive. But, unfortunately, this is not always the case. Some men do not realize the problems and blame women for everything. If you stumbled upon a misunderstanding, then set certain rules that will apply to your family. If the husband refuses to comply with them, put the question squarely.Unfortunately, the spouse may not accept your ultimatum and go to the side of relatives, and this, in turn, will provoke discord.
Tip: family problems should not be made public. Solve their homes and with each other, so as not to take everything for everyone to see and not give rise to new reasons for discussion and blame.
If the problem is you
It is always difficult to admit one’s guilt, especially when it comes to relations with relatives of a spouse. But try to objectively analyze your behavior. Honestly answer a few questions. Are not you jealous of your husband? Do not interfere with his communication with relatives? Do you behave aggressively or arrogantly with the parents of the second half?
If you realize that the problem lies precisely in you, you will have to work on yourself. It will not be easy to get rid of jealousy, and in order to do this, understand that relatives of a spouse are also relatives to him, just like you, so he must communicate with them. You can attend meetings or arrange them yourself in your territory, but also do not refuse invitations.
When dealing with your husband's relatives, behave naturally.Do not flatter or try to please in every way, keep calm, even if it seems to you that your relatives are skeptical (perhaps this is just your assumptions). If you dislike the parents or relatives of your spouse, then try to maintain neutrality and not show your emotions. Of course, you can stop any contact, but it will be wrong and disrespectful to the spouse.
Finally, tips to help solve the main problems in relations with spouse's relatives:
- Talk about your feelings and experiences, and frankly, honestly and calmly. Tell about them not only to your spouse, but also to your relatives: they may be aware of their wrongfulness and change their attitude towards you and their behavior.
- Do not give in to provocations and keep cool, even if it is not easy. Openly showing emotions, you show your weakness, which will be another reason for hostility towards you or humiliation.
- Set boundaries and label them for all the relatives of her husband. But do not break such a framework.
- Set priorities and determine what is important to you: peace of mind in the family or approval of your husband's relatives.
It is quite possible to establish relations with the husband's relatives if we identify the causes of the problems and try to eliminate them.
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