• How to say no and do not offend a person

     


    Overview of tricks refuse, which does not always work


    On the Internet and in popular publications, many tricks have been published to refuse the intrusive interlocutor or say no to the sale situation. The names of such failure technologies speak for themselves. The methods “To delay time” and “I have plans” prescribe to take a pause to think, but in the end the risk of offending is not reduced by refusal, but only postponed until later. The precautionary advice urges you to avoid encountering a manipulator or to avoid situations where you may be asked to. The tricks "Usually I do not ..." and "Controlled stupidity" introduce the reader to speech phrases that turn him into a manipulator of the feelings and behavior of another person. We need such technology to say “no” in order not to lose face and to maintain the respect of the person to whom we refuse.


    Psychological preparation for a situation of failure


    Most people understand that in order to say “no,” we need enviable confidence and calm.At a time when a self-confident person turns red, fusses and averts his eyes, a confident interlocutor refuses easily and freely. He is made sure of just psychological readiness for this situation and knowledge of the technology of refusal, so as not to offend another person. Psychological training you can pass on assertiveness trainings and seminars of confident behavior. It is possible with the task “to become confident in communication” to seek help from a psychologist. Or you can gain situational confidence by using the “Queen's Pose” technique. To do this, having heard the request in your address, take a deep breath, lift your chin, straighten your shoulders and apply refusal technology in the interlocutor’s eyes.


    Technology say no and not offend a person


    So, the main difficulty in refusal is to save your face and not to offend the interlocutor, which means to save the respect and disposition of the person asking for you. The technology to say no to straightforwardly and explicitly offers yousay no to a person's requestand whereinsay yes to personperson What does this mean? This means you have to show a person that he is important to you, give importance to him, express gratitude. And at the same time refuse him (only) a request.


    This is how a dialogue with your colleague who asks you for a loan could look like.


    A colleague comes up to you at lunchtime and asks ingratiatingly to:"Listen, help out (pleading look),xOchu intercept you a couple of thousand rubles to pay "


    You take a “queen's pose” for a few seconds and, looking into the eyes of your colleague, say in a soft and confident voice:“I am very pleased that it is you who appeal to me. I am glad that we work with you in the same office(say "yes" to the person of the interlocutor).I'm sorry, but I won't borrow you money this time.(refuse him a request). ”


    If your co-worker makes another attempt to extort money from you, you continue to say no to his request with a short phrase, in a firm voice:“It won't work. No"


    You no longer need to repeat the entire phrase in its entirety, and you use the technique of the “broken record”, repeating the “no” until the interlocutor does not lag behind you with his request. In a situation of greater psychological distance, for example, in dealing with an obsessive merchant, you can back up your second “no” at the body level, turning your back on the seller.


    Rehearse the "queen's pose" and the ability to say "no" in a firm and confident voice at home by a mirror. Practice refusing with respect to your interlocutor to strangers, before saying “no” and not offending loved ones.


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