Guide to Maintaining Friendships
How to Stay in Touch with a Girl You Like
These days, with all of the available methods of communication, it shouldn't be too hard to stay in touch with the girl you like. But staying touch with her means more than just getting all of her contact information and saying "What's up?" now and again. It means putting in a real effort, making her feel special, and letting her know she's on your mind no matter how far apart you are. If you want to know how toreallystay in touch with a girl you like, then follow these steps.
Making Meaningful Contact
Get in touch with her only when you have something to say.This may sound harsh, but it's important to make sure you get in touch with her only when you want to tell her something, whether it's that you miss her or that you saw a movie that made you think of her. Don't just get in touch by sayingSup?and wait for her to come up with something to say. Tell her something sweet, something she hasn't heard before, or something that makes her laugh.
- You may be tempted to text or call her all day long. But that will quickly get annoying. It's better to get in touch only every few days with something awesome than to turn your contact into a boring routine.
- Don't text her and say,I'm bored...She shouldn't think that you're getting in touch just because you have nothing better to do.
Text her the right way.Texting may be one of your main forms of communication, so it's important that you get it right. Send her texts that say you miss her, that you're thinking about her, and that you're wondering what she's up to. If you saw something that made you laugh, let her know; be witty, not boring. If you just say, "How's life?" you're not likely to start an interesting textual exchange. Tell her something she hasn't heard before.
- You can engage in a pretty long convo as long as it's interesting, but you should always leave her wanting more.
Make her feel special when you call.Call her at least once a week to see how she's doing. Don't just call to check in if you have nothing to say for yourself. Make sure to have at least one or two interesting stories to tell and be prepared to ask her a few questions. Tell her that you miss her, that you miss hearing her voice, and that you wish it would be easier to see her. Keep things fun and casual, though, while letting her know she's important to you.
- Don't make your calls mopey or sad because you miss her. Remind her of how much fun it is to be around you.
- Take turns calling each other first. You don't want to be the guy who always initiates the conversation.
Send her emails she'll be excited to open.If you're into sending emails as a way of staying in touch, then make them count. Don't just email her once a day with what you think is a hilarious link to College Humor. Send her one email every week or two that makes her laugh, is filled with witty observations, and which actually shows that you care about how things are going for her. Keep it to just two or three paragraphs and make them count. If you see a link to an interesting article or to a music video you know she'll love, then send that along, too.
- Make sure to write back to her in a timely manner. Don't respond ASAP or you'll look desperate, but don't leave her hanging for more than two or three days.
Go for some Skype or Face Time.Though nothing can be as good as seeing her in person, you should plan to have weekly or monthly Skype or Face Time dates so you can at least see each other face-to-face (sort of). Being able to see each other's faces and expressions as you talk is different from just talking on the phone or texting. Make it a ritual.
- Maybe every Sunday, you both drink tea and Skype each other at three o'clock; maybe you Skype each other at the end of your school days. Find a time that makes you feel most energized and excited to see each other.
Write her a letter.Don't think that letters are out of style. You may be writing the girl the first letter she ever received! (Unless she spent some time at sleep-away camp.) It's not corny or silly if you do it the right way -- and it's a great thing to do when youcan'tjust call the girl up because she's in another country or can't be reached by phone for another reason.
- Keep it sweet and simple. Tell her you miss her and tell her about something that made you think of her.
- Give her a few details about what is going on in your life, but keep things interesting. Don't tell her that you're just sitting around pining away and being bored at home; tell her a funny anecdote about your work, school, or family.
- Make sure to ask some questions. How else will you get an answer? Ask her how she's doing, what her days have looked like, and how her friends are. Be as specific as you can; saying "How have you been?" is more vague than asking, "How was your trip to see your grandmother?" or "How are soccer tryouts going?"
- Sign your letter withLoveorThinking of You.This doesn't mean you're sayingI love you-- it just means that the girl is important to you.
- And hey, if you're feeling really confident in your relationship, write her a good old fashioned love letter.
Get in touch on Facebook.You should only use Facebook to supplement more meaningful contact. You probably have hundreds of Facebook friends, so talking to the girl on Facebook won't make her feel too special. Still, there are some small things you can do to let her know she's on your mind, like liking her photos or comments when they pop up on your News Feed (without overdoing it, of course), or posting a link that made you think of her on her wall.
- You can also chat her on Facebook from time to time, but don't make yourselftooaccessible. Keep up some of the mystery of your relationship. If she knows you won't be on Facebook all the time, she'll be more excited when she does see your name pop up in her chat box.
Adding Special Touches
Send her flowers.This simple yet effective move is guaranteed to make her smile. Whether it's Valentine's Day, her birthday, or even a day during a random week when you know she's feeling a bit blue, then making the gesture to send her some flowers along with a short note will make her see that she really means something to you. Ideally, knowing which flowers she likes the most is better than sending her a generic bouquet or flowers; see if you can find out her favorite type of flower without being too obvious.
- Keep it a surprise. Don't let her know they're coming (though you should make sure she'll be home to accept the delivery).
Send her cookies.What, you're too manly to bake some cookies, package them properly, and send them to your special lady's address? Pish posh. If you want to go out of your way to impress the girlandshow off your culinary skills, then make some simple chocolate chip or oatmeal raisin cookies and send 'em her way. Or if your mom or sister has made another batch of her famous cookies, send several of them to your special girl.
Send her a CD mix.This is even more romantic than going into a store and buying a CD for the girl. Make a compilation of all of your favorite tunes, making sure that they are songs that she actually likes. If you love Metallica but are pretty sure that's not her thing, you can keep it off the list. If there are any special songs that make you think of each other, then you can add those to the mix. You can writeKatie's ultimate mixor something short to remind her of you.
- You don't have to pick something overly sappy or sentimental. Pick something that puts her in a fun frame of mind and makes her think of you.
Send her a postcard.If you've been traveling, send her a cute and short postcard with a picture of where you've been and say that you've been thinking of her. Just drop her a few lines about some of the fun stuff you've been doing without making her feel left out and drop a quick, "You'd love it here!" or something that would make her feel like she's still on your mind no matter how far away you are.
- If you want to be cute, you can send her a postcard even if you haven't gone anywhere. Send her a postcard from your hometown and say, "I love it here!" It'll make her laugh and will score you major originality points.
Send her something from your location.If you're spending the summer in Florida, send her a few shells you found on the beach. If you're backpacking in Europe, send her a small souvenir from the city where you stopped. If you're just spending the summer at your grandmother's apple orchard, send her a bushel of apples that aren't fully ripe yet. Do something to give her a sense of place and to think aboutyouin another location.
- The ultimate goal is always to have the girl both thinking of you, thinking you're thoughtful, and wanting to be where you are.
Seeing Her if You Can
Plan a weekend date.You and the girl can only stay apart for so long. Unless you're living on opposite sides of the country, in different countries, or it's just not possible for you guys to meet up, you should try to plan a meet-up on a weekend after you have talked enough and feel comfortable enough to take your relationship to the next level. It could be a low-pressure meet up at first and you don't have to plan anything big and romantic -- just making the contact is the important part.
- That being said, you should still make the girl feel special when you do meet up. Give her flowers, a hug, a compliment, or something that reminded you of her when you see her.
Make a special trip to see her.Maybe it's not super convenient for the two of you to just meet up for a weekend. If you really like the girl and the feeling is mutual, though, then you have to make sure to see her at some point if you don't want her interest to drop. Making an effort to see the girl even if she's far away or if it's pricey impractical to see her is part of what will make it so romantic. Even if you're not just living in neighboring towns or even states, have a conversation about going to see her if you really want to make it work.
- The surprise trip may not be the best idea. Unless you're really sure she wants to see you, don't just show up in her hometown unannounced. You have no way of knowing exactly what's going on with her.
Take the pressure off and arrange a group hang out.If you really like the girl but are too shy to arrange a solo meet-up or don't want to put too much pressure on the relationship, then suggest hanging out in a group. If you have the same group of friends, like if you met in summer camp, then great. Suggest a little reunion. If you don't have any of the same friends, then have a barbecue or a small gathering at your place.
- Tell her it would be great to see her, but don't make it sound like you're really doing all of this just to see her, even if you are.
Find a visiting schedule that works for you.If you've met up with the girl in person and it went well, then make sure months don't go by without you seeing each other gain. How often you see each other depends on how serious your relationship is and what you really want from each other. If it's practical, try to see each other once a month at least, during every holiday, or even every two or three months if that works better.
- If you really want to stay in touch with her, then try to plan your next visit shortly after you see her, when you're both feeling a contact high and want to make things work. You can both get busy if too much time goes by, and it won't be as easy to remember how much you love hanging out with each other.
- Try to find a topic that you and her like both like. Something you have in common. That will make it interesting.
- Ask her questions about her day and current events in her life, this will show her you care about her.
- Ask for photos of her and when you receive them tell her how gorgeous she looks in them (if you really like her she will look gorgeous to you all the time).
- Sending letters is better than sending emails. Send cute things in them, too.
- Compliment her every day.
- If you don't respect her privacy, or if she seems to be uncomfortable with you contacting her, ask her if it's okay that you're doing these things. If she isn't okay with it, back off, or you could end up with a restraining order on you (if not from her, than from her suspicious and careful parents).
- Don't try to be too pushy! It's weird, even from a guy's perspective talking to a chick.
- A lot of these things are actually pretty creepy if she doesn't like you already, and even then it might still be a little needy and desperate.
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